How Come We Overlook The Obvious In Bad Relationships

Whether we ended the relationship ourselves or it was ended for us often we ask “why did I not see this?” Then we find out that our friends may have been trying to tell us all along (or least dropping hints) on how bad this relationship was or how it was going to turn out. Following are some insights as to what may have been happening to cause you to ignore your warning signs that things wern’t quite right.

One of the first things that happens when you meet someone is to not judge their character flaws. We know the flaws within our own selves and do not want them to be judged so why judge theirs? It’s this basic human courtesy that gets us into trouble when looking for our soul mate. Not judging other individuals who at best may be acquaintances is fine. Being more critical of a potential mate is not.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the search for someone that when we meet a person that “somewhat” matches our desires that we get excited and forget all else. We are so relieved that the search is over that we aren’t willing to take an honest look at them and our true desires.

Are we really honest with ourselves? Often times we are so wanting to be in a relationship that we short change ourselves. We will sit there and convince ourselves that our issues with our lover aren’t important while deep inside we know that the opposite is true. Part of this comes back to fear but part is also that we are not willing to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs. We want to be in a relationship so badly sometimes that we abandon and forget who we are just to protect the relationship.

The biggest contributor to overlooking the warning signs of a bad relationship is fear. We fear being alone, we fear not being able to provide solely for ourselves , and we fear that we won’t find anyone else to love us. Once again our basic human emotions are trying to protect us yet they can lead us into a living hell if we are not paying attention and are not strong enough to overcome them. Dr. Susan Jeffers best selling title says it all : “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway”. In other words respect the fear, but get past it.

Playing off of fear we do things to protect the relationship. Sometimes we will downplay things that don’t sit well with us. We want things to be right and happy in our relationships that we are willing to make excuses or worse rationalize bad or destructive behavior.

Sometimes we aren’t willing to admit to ourselves that we made a mistake. We feel that we’ll be embarrassed by admitting to it. We protect our pride yet overlook our happiness for the sake of that pride.

And yet occasionally we are so caught up in emotion that we can’t see the forest for the trees. Everything is wine and roses and we couldn’t be happier and isn’t it all great and grand? Yet we are so busy “being” happy that we don’t take the time to look just a little deeper into our love’s past or actions and once the new wears off we end up asking “why didn’t I see this?”